Whose is Worse?
by Dolphin64575
Summary: We all know the terror of riding with Gibbs or Ziva. The big question is, whose driving is worse? Abby sets out to answer this question. rated T for language. Gibbs/Abby Father/Daughter
1. The Question and Control Test

"My driving is not worse than Gibbs's!"

"Yeah, it is, Zee. Your driving doesn't even obey the laws of physics!"

"That's impossible, Tony."

"See, McGee agrees with me, It is impossible."

"What's impossible?" Asked Abby and Jenny in unison, arriving from their respective offices.

"Ziva thinks her driving is better that Gibbs's." Tony informed the women. The Director immediately rebuffed that no way was her ex-Mossad agent a worse driver than Jethro. The group debated for a while, until Ziva raised the alarm. They hurried back to work just as Gibbs himself came back from a trip to the coffee shop.

Unfortunately, Abby's scientific mind wanted data for their trial. So, whenever she had a spare second waiting for tests and comparisons to finish, she perfected a questionnaire.

Driving home that night, she carefully obeyed all traffic laws, staying as close as possible to the speed limit. This would be her control test.


	2. Test 2 Gibbs

The next day, Abby took a taxi to work. She carefully budgeted her time, making sure she would still be here and working hours after normal dismissal. With a little luck, she could complete a test tonight.

Luck was on her side. A few hours after arriving, the team came down to her lab, loaded with evidence boxes. She checked Ducky through the CCTV, and saw he had at least 2 bodies. This was going to work out perfectly!

After running around all day, her trash bin was full of empty Caff-Pow!s, she was waiting on a fingerprint, and she had applied a little makeup to seem more tired than she really was. Her computer binged, and she promptly pretended to sleep at her desk. Gibbs's telepathy would bring him down soon.

"Abby, you fell asleep." She heard her boss say, shaking her shoulder. She leapt up, frantically typing.

"Sorry Gibbs, I was just waiting on the fingerprint to come back and I must've dozed off…" She heard him chuckle.

"Abby, go home. Get some sleep. It'll be here tomorrow."

"Can't, Gibbs. Hearse has a flat and the taxis don't run this late. Don't worry, I've got blankets and stuff down here, and Bert as a pillow. It won't be as comfy as my coffin, but I'll make do–" She was abruptly yanked from her desk by a strong hand around her forearm.

"Abby, you're going home." His face left no room for argument, but she had to sell this act.

"Sure, just let me check if that finger pr-"

"Abby!" He interrupted her again, tugging on her arm lightly. "I'm driving you home, now." He swung her into his arms, carrying her as you might a small child.

"Gibbs, I can walk!" She laughed, playfully smacking his shoulder.

"Go to sleep, Abs." He grinned.

"I'm not sleepy anymore." She protested, knowing it would do no good. As she predicted, he continued to his car.

The drive to her apartment was quick, and, as usual, not exactly legal. He hopped the curb a few times, blew through some red lights, and earned plenty of honking from the other drivers.

"Night, Abs." He said, pecking her cheek as she got out.

"Goodnight, Daddy Gibbs." She sighed, shutting the door and walking to her building. As soon as she was sure he could no longer see her, she sprinted up the stairs and to her computer. She quickly logged in the data while it was fresh in her mind.

Drove With: Gibbs _

From: Work_

To: Home_

Usual Time: 15 Minutes_

Test Time: 7 Minutes_

# of Times on 2 Wheels: 4_

# of Times over Speed Limit: 9_

# of Protests from Other Drivers: 5_

# of Protests from Pedestrians: 2_

Other: Late at night, possibly affecting driving? _

After entry, she tried to think of how to get Ziva to drive her home. It should be the same route, she figured, to have more reliable results.


	3. Test 3 Ziva

"Hey, Ziva!" Tony called loudly.

"I am right here, there is no need to shout."

"Will you take that stuff from the Baggie Bunnies down to Abby for me?"

"You know they do not like that nick-name, and yes." She grabbed the box and hit the down button to call the elevator.

"Hey, Ziva, What brings you here?" Abby asked, signing for the evidence.

"The elevator, and Tony. He asked me to and I need to get away from all the paperwork."

"And Tony, you need to get away from him." The goth added, grinning.

"And Tony." Agreed the Israeli, who spent quite some time in the basement, dodging paperwork and annoying partners.

"You gonna play hooky all day, Zee?"

"Play what?"

"Hooky. When you ditch school or work, stuff like that."

"How is that a game?"

"Because it's fun." She smiled conspiratorially.

"Ah. Well, I very well might 'hang-out' here all day. So much better than fighting with the blasted copier machine."

"Hee. I'm gonna tell you what I once told Tony. They can sense fear."

"Really? How do they do that?"

"Not for real, it's like the power of positive thinking, or Murphy's Law."

"Who is Murphy, and what law did he make?"

"No-one knows where it came from, but Murphy's Law is the idea that 'Whatever can go wrong, will.' Like when you say 'at least it can't get any worse' and then it starts raining."

"So, if I show the copier machine I am afraid, it will not work?"

"Yup, you got it! Hey do you think you could drive me home tonight? My hearse has a flat and I don't want to bother Gibbs again."

"Sure, it is not a problem, Abby."

Abby was slightly apprehensive entering the other woman's car, but knew she had to do it for the test.

"If you don't do it now, Abigail, you'll have to do it later." She muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Just a reminder to myself to take out the trash." She said brightly. Rule 7: When you lie, always be specific.

They took off to the sound of squealing rubber. Although she expected this, (Ziva's parking space had more tire marks than you could count,) Abby clutched her armrest at the sudden acceleration.

"You know the way to my place, right?" She forced out between clenched teeth.

"Yes, I know where it is." She replied, flashing a smile at her terrified passenger.

"Ziva! Watch the road! Fuck!" She was clinging to the hand-hold above the door (affectionately known as the 'Oh-Shit Handle') for dear life. This was worse than any rollercoaster ever. The rollercoaster wouldn't crash. They heard sirens behind them and saw red and blue flashing lights. Ziva kept driving, without a care in the world.

"Ziva, pull over! How did you pass the goddamn driving test?!" The woman sighed and braked the car severely, giving them both whiplash. An officer tapped on the window and Ziva obligingly rolled it down.

"Miss, do you know how fast you were going?"

"You caught me brown-footed." He looked at her, puzzled.

"Red-handed, Ziva." Abby corrected.

"But I am wearing brown shoes, and my foot was on the gas pedal."

"That doesn't matter, the phrase is 'caught red-handed.'"

"I will never understand American idioms."

"Can I please see your license and registration?" Ziva dug around in the glovebox, pulling out all sorts of things. When she set a small handgun on the dashboard, the officer told them both to get out of the car. Ziva lounged on the hood and Abby attempted to stop shaking as the cop ran the license-plates.

"Shit, Ziva! I thought Tony was exaggerating!"

"It is not a big deal, I get tickets all the time. That is why I stopped stopping."

"You have to stop, it's the law!"

"Like Murphy's Law?"

In the end, Ziva got a fine, and Abby got home, although she was a bit shaken from the ride.

Drove With: Ziva _

From: Work_

To: Home_

Usual Time: 15 Minutes_

Test Time: 30 Minutes_

# of Times on 2 Wheels: 6_

# of Times over Speed Limit: 12_

# of Protests from Other Drivers: 7_

# of Protests from Pedestrians: 3_

Other: Stopped by police, eyes taken off road, test time would have been approx. 5 minutes if not searched by police. 

They had been waved down with the metal-detecting wand, and waited outside while the officer searched the car for more concealed weapons, and his partner watched them like a hawk. Ziva had laughed at Abby's nervousness. Abby had nearly smacked her.


	4. The Verdict

Gibbs picked up his phone on the second ring.

"Yeah, Gibbs… Everyone? Abby why do need Director Shepard?... What?...Alright, we're coming." The team looked at him questioningly. "Abby wants us all in her lab, said something about a driving test." They grinned simultaneously, which annoyed their boss to no end. He jogged upstairs and told Jenny, and she grinned, too. Was he the only one who didn't know what was going on? They crowded in the elevator and he heard a few bets being taken.

"OK, so, everyone knows what this is about?" Abby asked when they had all arrived.

"Not me, Abbs."

"So, Madame Director and I walked into a little debate about Ziva and you, Gibbs. I did some testing and the results are right _here!"_ She flashed some of papers.

"Debate? About what?" He swiftly read the documents, then, sighing, put them on the table where everyone else crowded around.

"I win, McGeek!"

"Yeah, yeah, Tony. Here's your 20 bucks."

"That's why you had me drive you home a few nights ago?" She shuffled her feet nervously.

"Yeah, but I mean, it's all in the name of science, and you've driven me home plenty of times before!" She twined her fingers together, looking for all the world like a guilty little kid caught sneaking a cookie. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"If you're done!" He snapped, calling the team to attention. "Back to work!" They hurried into the elevator, leaving him alone with Jen and Abby.

"Gibbs, we were just having fun! You're not upset because you lost, are you?"

"No, Abby, I'm upset because you did this behind my back! I would've driven you home gladly if you'd just asked!"

"But Gibbs," she whined, "that would corrupt the evidence!"

"I don't care! As punishment, no music for 3 days." Both women gasped.

"Now, Jethro, don't you think that's a little harsh?"

"No, Jen, I don't. I don't appreciate my team doing things without me knowing! Abby, I thought you were more mature than this! This is the kinda thing I expect DiNozzo to pull!"

"But Gibbs, no music?! For three days?! C'mon, wasn't riding with Ziva and getting stopped by the police punishment enough?"

"No, you chose to do that. This is what you get." With that, he walked out, on his way to the bullpen to chastise the rest of his team.

"The hell were you thinking?! DiNozzo! I thought my senior field agent was past the sophomoric behavior!" He whapped the man on the head harder than ever before. "McGee! You're too smart for this!" He whapped his head, too. "David! I expect you to be the voice of reason for these two idiots!" He whapped her head for good measure. "I should put you all on desk duty for a week!"

That was, in fact, what he did. Jenny tried to reason with him, but he would not be budged.

"They're like kids, Jen, They need to know that they can't get away with this kind of stuff. A week of paperwork won't kill them."

When he walked in the next day, there was a small toy boat on his desk. He inspected it, then wordlessly put it in a drawer. He glanced up to see the three of them watching. Glancing at Ziva, he noticed a large new frame on her desk. He looked at it, then tapped the back of her head, chuckling.

"The winner of the 'Who Drives Worst Debate' is Ziva David, due to speed, lack of watching the road, getting pulled over by cops, and overall terrifyingness." Abby had signed her name and decorated the paper with gold stars.

"I changed my mind, guys. Desk duty until Wednesday." He left to tell Abby that she could have her music back in 2 days instead of 3.


End file.
